A pandemic has broken out and I have been dumped in a place that is known, yet feels unknown. known faces have started to feel unknown to me. Standing in a group, yet I feel as if I am standing alone. I feel as if I don’t belong. Yet, here I am, trying to make a place for myself.
A sea of laughter leaves smiling mouths and echoes in my ears, but silence comes out of mine. Surrounded, yet alone, this has become the new normal for me. Why? Because buildings have decided to break and bring down happiness with it.
But who has time to worry about this, every day is filled with knowledge and more knowledge that my brain has become overloaded with the chaos. And every day I come in hopes that the clocks will tick a little faster, so I can leave this place, this broken place, this broken me.
But who is to blame, except 2020.
A pandemic has broken out and I have been dumped in this broken lonely place.
Through this loneliness, I have found a great fire inside me.
I have found that missing someone is the reason I wake up every morning. It’s the reason I come to this broken place, it’s the reason I live my life; in hopes that one day I will run into them once again.
But who is to blame for this feeling, except 2020.
Days feel like an endless cycle. Is this how it feels to be the earth?
Spinning in endless cycle days, going to nights, and back again.
This unbreakable cycle of repetition has become monotonous.
I wonder if the earth has ever felt like this?
It feels as if my life has become a chore, I am forced to come to this broken place and forced to cramp knowledge in my lifeless brain, who just wishes to be free of this loneliness.
But who’s to blame for all of this, except 2020.
A pandemic has broken out and I am lost,
trying to find the right train back home.
Dear Karishma,
I thoroughly enjoyed your incorporation of our current state in the world regarding the pandemic, and how you had tied your self identity with it. I liked how you had started off by by mentioning the pandemic as an event which has disconnected you from others, alongside yourself, but had followed it with what the loneliness had to offer, and how it had exposed sides of you that you never knew you had. I felt as though the repetition of phrases such as “But who’s to blame for all of this, except 2020,” had been a good addition to the piece as it ties all of your ideas together.
Although this carefully crafted piece of writing had much to offer in regards to your personal identity, and how it had been shaped by the ongoing pandemic, I would’ve liked the use of a bit more imagery. I also felt as though the word “cycle” in the last few lines had been a bit overdone, and the impact you may have been trying to achieve had been lost. In order to fix this maybe you could change the sentence structure, in an effort to add more emphasis to the idea you were attempting to get across.
I am looking forward to having the opportunity to read more of your amazing pieces throughout the semester.
Sincerely,
Khushman
Dear Khushman,
Thank you for the amazing feedback I really appreciate the time you took to read my piece. I must say I definitely agree with you on all the feedback you have given me on my writing.
When I write next time I will make sure to keep your tips in my mind, I will definitely try to incorporate imagery into my next piece, and also work on my sentence structure a lot.
I look forward to getting more feedback from you in the future!
Sincerely,
Karishma
Dear Karishma,
I really enjoyed reading your About Me, as I felt like it was something I could relate to on a personal level. My favorite line from your piece is: “It feels as if my life has become a chore, I am forced to come to this broken place and forced to cramp knowledge in my lifeless brain, who just wishes to be free of this loneliness.” Lately school has begun to feel this way because of the endless rules we are compelled to follow throughout the day.
To improve, I saw a couple of grammatical errors throughout your piece, and while they don’t take away from your writing and message as a whole, they do reduce the quality of your work. For example in the second line, I think you forgot to capitalize “known”. I could be wrong if you did it on purpose, but I wasn’t sure, and wanted to bring it to your attention.
Sincerely,
Gurman
Dear Gurman,
Thank you so much for taking time out to read my about me I great full for all of your feedback, I will make sure to read and check over my work next time and make sure to check for no grammar mistakes.
I look forward to reading your work in the future.
Sincerely,
Karishma